Easter 2008 and other things

Easter time last year in my homtown of Bendigo (see my post on April 6, 2007) was very quiet, but at least I had a small role in it this year. I was part of the Phoenix FM promotion team at a stall in the main street, handing out flyers to the passing crowd during the early afternoon then, in the evening, I followed the Phoenix FM 'float' in the torchlight procession, again doing 'handouts' and playfully charging at children in my powered wheelchair which, thankfully for all concerned, has good brakes!

Since my last post, I had a brief bout of gastroenteritis which left me feeling both mentally and physically exhausted. I also had a temporary 'crash' on my computer, which left me feeling both frustrated and alone (incapable of sending/receiving emails for four days)... I don't know which was worse!! I have come to depend so much on my computer for contact with 'the outside world', that I'm left feeling completely lost when it breaks down for whatever reason. I have since recovered, thankfully, from both viruses and am feeling much better.

Thanks to a new-found friend on one of my regular visits to dating sites (her name is Barb), I have been encouraged to write the long-awaited final chapters of my autobiography, which I will include in a future post of this Blog. Incidentally, the 'fire in my belly' (see my last post) has burned itself out, due to lack of success in finding a suitable person to assist me... I am hoping the completion of my book may provide me with the impetus to try again.

The Return of Fire in My Belly!

I'm revving again! This morning I awoke with the feeling of fire in my belly like I have not experienced for a long, long, time. This has come about through an idea that raced through my mind last night... to write, publish, produce, direct (all or some of...) a semi-autobiographical movie depicting the loneliness and frustrations of an Australian singer/songwriter in a wheelchair as he travels around the country on what he intends to make his final tour.

Now to find a suitable (or interested) scriptwriter who can advise me where to go - or take - my storyline for possible development. I will first approach my brother Geoff who is extremely talented at putting words together and who, hopefully, has a little more spare time at his disposal. If he can't help me, perhaps someone reading this can put forward a suggestion for me to follow.

Biggest problem now is to keep this fire raging long enough to follow it through to completion.

Still too much time to think

I continue with my hectic schedule of dialysis treatments three times a week at approximately five to six hours per session (including connection and disconnection periods and waiting for ambulances for pick-ups and drop offs). In addition, I still spend an average of 6 - 8 hours a day at my computer responding to emails, searching dating sites and web-surfing in general. Any additional waking hours are spent in thought about what is happening in my life and what future lies ahead.

It is easy for me to become meloncholy and depressed when I think about my aloneness and the lack of a potential partner... and this continues to happen on a regular basis. My team of carers provide me with a few hours of light relief from these negative thoughts as they come in to assist with my daily routine. They are all good scouts, each with their own personality, and we all get along well with each other.

The dialysis treatments are a constant, but necessary, strain on my nervous system. One particular nurse (the leader of the unit) has the knack of inserting the dialysis needles into my right arm without any real pain or discomfort, but almost every other nurse has trouble with me... getting the needles in precisely the right spot without a lengthy and painful period of fiddling around, clotting of blood and 'hitting the wall' (or piercing) the fistula (tube) in my arm. No doubt you can understand how my fear reaches new heights each time I see that Anna (the leader) is not there.

My four hours of each treatment, lying on my back on a stretcher with needled right arm outstretched and immobile, are usually spent watching morning TV, eating dry biscuits and cheese, plus a lunch of sandwiches (a challenge in itself trying to use my almost lifeless left arm) and/or staring at the ceiling. I also have the benefit of a fish tank at the foot of my resting place where the same fish constantly chase their counterparts. This is fine for the fish, but a bit on the monotonous side for the observer after a few hours.

I am hoping, eventually, to have home dialysis administered by my carers, but this will take some time to set up (having my carers trained, etc.).

Going through all this constantly without a partner standing beside me (mentally, if not physically) then coming home to a quiet and empty unit is slowly taking its toll on me, hence the reason for my heading. Still, I continue to be hopeful for a positive change to take place.

Getting back to my old form!

The two programmes I did on community radio (Phoenix FM 89.5) went well and we now await another four weeks of test transmissions later in the year before the decision will be made whether we - or another aspirant radio station - get the licence for that particular frequency.

Slowly but surely I am finding it more difficult to find enough hours in the day to do all the things I want to. Dialysis is now three times a week (a total of 14 hours), but at least it is now at the local hospital instead of in Melbourne, which added an additional 8 hours of travel time.

Apart from my regular 6 - 8 hours a day sitting at my computer I have now resumed playing darts one night each week, as well as trying to finish my life story for submission to a publisher. This has become a "must do" project, bearing in mind my close call with extinction last year... I have to get the book finished before I get my final call "up yonder" (or "down below").

I am also trying to find the time to write a few articles for one of the local newspapers... one in particular about the singles group (Bendigo Social Singles) I started five years ago. We are about to celebrate our fifth anniversary and need more men to assist in balancing the sexes. At present we are averaging six women to each man at our regular dinner meetings.

Yet, in those five years, I have not had one date with any of the ladies (sob!)... all because I think I have been spoilt in the past by my three wives (on second thoughts maybe they were spoilt by me)!

2008 Begins on a Positive Note

Phoenix 89.5 FM is the name of a fledgling community radio station here in Bendigo which commenced test transmission for two weeks last Monday. I am to present two hours of country music and mayhem between 9 a.m. and 11 a.m. on Sunday morning (January 13) and at the same time the following Sunday (January 20), so I'm hoping someone will tune in. I’m not keen on talking to myself!

After many weeks of travel to/from Melbourne for dialysis treatment at the Austin Hospital, I started TODAY (January 11) at the Bendigo Hospital... and will continue each week on Mondays, Wednesdays and Fridays bet. 9 a.m and 1.30 p.m. My first day went well with getting to know the nursing staff (all very friendly and with a much less pressured atmosphere by comparison with the Austin) and the ambulance crew being on time. It is obviously an experience I will never enjoy, but at least it affords me more time at home to work on my many projects.

To be - or not to be?

The End of Another Year 2007 was a year when I almost died (see previous post) and completed my sixth year of living alone... not what I would call a good year, but at least I survived to tackle another one.

I had a good try (or so I thought) at finding someone to make my life less unsociable, but continued to draw a blank at each attempt. Guess I'm too 'choosy' when it comes to being attracted to a member of the opposite sex. Most woman over 50 come across as being 'too old' for me, yet those under 50 (once they know my age) look at me as being an old, old, man... regardless of the fact that I feel, think and act like a 45 year old! I have tried to convince myself - and them - that age is just a number. Catch 22!!!

The only time my heart 'fluttered' for anyone in recent times was for one of my carers, who is almost half my age, but reminds me very much of my last wife... who was 25 years younger than me. My carer and I still get along really well, but when it comes to mutual attraction she is one of the many who believes I am a good friend, but still far too old to be considered as a partner.

May 2008 be a year of peace and happiness for us all!

Time to Stop and Smell the Roses

Hello dear friends...

Since my last post, almost four months ago, the following has transpired...

July 14. Arrived home from holiday in Honolulu, Hawaii with my carer, Roberta. I was not well, due to chest infection... confirmed in Bendigo Hospital a few days later (while I was 'away with the fairies') as legionnaires disease.

August 6. Transferred to Austin Hospital, Heidelberg, where I underwent an operation to repair a bleeding duodenum (stomach ulcer) - opened up twice and given a 50% chance of survival (relatives summoned to my bedside) - but I wasn't ready to go - still got too much unfinished business to do on this planet! The skills of the doctors and nursing staff at the Austin obviously saved my life and I will forever be thankful to them. The morphine that went through my system, however, gave me the most horrible nightmares... which I still can't put out of my mind.
Due to kidney failure, I also had a 'fistula' fitted to my right arm in preparation for dialysis treatment, which commenced almost immediately.

Sept. 18. Transferred to Rehabilitation Hospital, Heidelberg, after several weeks of recuperation, needles, tablets, tests and dialysis treatments (which are to continue twice weekly for the rest of my life).

Nov. 1. Back home at last. Initially, because Bendigo Hospital has no spare dialysis machines I have to travel by ambulance back to the Austin in Melbourne each Monday and Friday for treatment... leaving at 7 a.m. and returning home about 5 p.m. A loooong day, but I have no alternative until Bendigo has more machines available (hopefully by mid December).

To those of you who sent me cards, phoned and/or visited me while I was in hospital, thank you from the bottom of my heart... your good wishes and prayers really kept me going and now that I'm back home I will do all in my power to keep in touch.

The photos taken on our trip to Hawaii will have to wait a little while until I get a bit more energy back in my system (and learn how to post them on to this site), so please bear with me in that area... I'm getting there, but not quite yet.

All I can ask at the moment is PLEASE KEEP IN TOUCH... I need all my friends right now.

Warm wishes, love and good thoughts from Colin.