The Christmas and New Year season always brings out the most reflective emotions in me and this year was no different. There was little I could do to prevent past memories from returning and even though I spent a pleasant enough Christmas Day with friends and family, I couldn't help but feel very much alone as I thought of my last Christmas in Geelong seven years ago. It was spent with my ex-wife Diane and our little family of pets... to me that was what Christmas is meant to be - shared with those you truly love and feel where you rightfully belong. Sadly, those days have long since passed and will never return.
New Years Eve is just a couple of days away and this will be yet another time of reflection for me. I will be spending it "home alone", probably watching television in bed after my support worker leaves around 10 p.m.
A few weeks back I forwarded copies of chapters 1 and 2 of the final draft of my autobiography to ten specially chosen friends and family members, with a view of getting their opinions on whether I was wasting my time pursuing it's publication and, in general, seeking their input as to where/how/if it could be changed to be of most interest to the general public. Of those ten, only three responded by asking me for more chapters. This comes as somewhat of a disappointment, although there could be any number of good reasons for their lack of response.
I believe - and I have been advised by several people - that I have an interesting story to tell, so I obviously want to do it in the best way possible... simply to leave something of myself behind that may prove of interest and possible motivation to others. 28 chapters have been written with one or two more to complete when/if I get the incentive. This has already been a work in progress for the past 12 - 15 years and I am determined to take it as far as possible in the coming year, even if I self-publish, either in book form or on the web.
So, there you have it... my hopes and ambitions for 2009 - to find a soulmate and publish my autobiography - both carried over for several years. Will either eventuate is the million dollar question, but as each year passes the urgency is becoming more intense - for obvious reasons.
I would love to travel again to another country (maybe France, New Zealand or Singapore), but being tied to dialysis treatments three times a week will make this most unlikely - unless I have the operation to change to peritoneal dialysis, thus allowing me to take a machine wherever I go. I would also need the assistance of a friend (or partner) to travel with me for the purpose of connecting me to the machine each night... and to my mind this is not an ideal way to spend a holiday.
Hopefully I will return to this Blogging spot early in the New Year on a more positive note... being negative simply isn't the normal ME!!!
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2 comments:
So down in the dumps Col, you can turn that around.
Nothing has stopped you doing things that you've wanted to do up to date,why change now. Yes, it's a bit harder now but what the hell, that's always been your challenge so go for it Sweetheart, just get on with it in 2009 but definitely get that book published one way or the other
Apologies Col for not responding with comments on your writings. Life has been particularly busy over the past few months and I don't see it changing any time soon. But I will get to it, probably too late to be useful to you, but maybe not.
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