As Christmas Approaches...

Well, I did it! I crammed as much activity into the past few weeks as I could and - as I write - am feeling a little better for it.


For example: I attended/did the following...

• church with one of my carers and her children
• a concert at the RSL Club that same evening to hear a band from Queensland which featured Sylvia, the drummer from one of my old bands
• two dinners with my singles' social club (which I am trying to revive)
• a picnic at the park across the road with one of my carers and her family (after which I had a stomach upset and had to get another carer to stay the night - just in case!)
• caught a bus to the shopping centre where my daughter works, had a chat with her and met her work mates
• accepted an invitation to give a blowdarts demonstration at the Colac Darts Club (three hours drive each way with one of my carers and her husband).

Still on the subject of darts, on November 19 the darts team I play for will contest the Grand Final... and, I feel, we have a good chance of winning. I have been happy with my form in having gone through the season undefeated. I lost my first singles game in the semi-final (best of three), however, but recovered to win 2 - 1.

I had two overnight visits from my Melbourne friend Barbara. She came with me to my community radio program on Phoenix FM... also a visit from Lisa, one of my ex-Geelong carers. She brought me some irish stew and I have always LOVED Lisa's irish stew!

Incidentally, Phoenix FM is streamed all over the world through the internet, so my program can be heard live by anyone with a computer. I have a number of listeners in Ireland who have sent me CD's and DVD's of some of their top artists which makes it all worthwhile. It would be great to 'spread the word' even further, so if you - or anyone you know - are interested.

I am on air every second Monday night from 8 to 10 p.m. (Australian Eastern Daylight Saving Time). Just login to http://www.phoenixfm.org/ and click on the Phoenix FM logo. My on-air dates to the end of this year are Mondays, Nov. 16, 30 and Dec. 14, 28.

I enjoy the challenge of trying to track down requests from my listeners. These are open to any genre of music and are usually played in the first hour of my programme. If you would like me to play any of your favourite songs please get in touch. My email address is coljames@bigpond.com.au.

All of the above and then... a new experience. I went absolutely broke! For the first time I owed the bank money... and began living from week to week on my disability pension. I even had to borrow from my carers to buy lunch!

And so, a new goal in my life... to claw my way back financially in time for Christmas! To make this task a little harder I went shopping for groceries yesterday and looked in my wallet to find my Visa card had gone missing. A thorough search proved fruitless, so I had no alternative but to cancel my old card and order a new one.

Ned Kelly was right... "such is life"!

Time to take my own advice!

I'm not sure why I am writing this particular blog. Maybe it's because I feel particularly alone today and that's when blogs can help to fill a void... someone to talk to when there's no one to talk to! I'm not trying to hide the fact that I am still wishing, hoping and praying for someone to enter my life as a friend, lover and soulmate. I simply don't feel 'complete' as I am.

All the emails I receive from people I rarely (if ever) see are welcome, but they are not the same as communicating in flesh and blood and my greatest fear at these times appears more and more likely of eventuating - that of ending my days alone.

Apart from emails, my most immediate contacts are my support workers... most have become good friends. They tell me I should be satisfied with my life as I have had three good marriages. I can't agree with that though because, for a start, if they were so good I would not be on my own right now, would I? Also, there is little value living in the past... it's the FUTURE I want to look forward to, not the past. I'd like to feel I still have a future.

I always tell others that they have to make things happen in their lives... create things or events... so I guess it's time I took my own advice. Watch this space!

THIEVES IN THE NIGHT!

As I go through a period of sleepless nights (don't know why... just a combination of itches and a restless mind, I think) I am usually awake until mid morning. So it was a couple of weeks ago when, at 3 a.m., I heard a woman and a man chatting nearby, followed by the closing of a car door, the revving of a motor and the departure of a vehicle. Little did I know until 8 a.m. when the police knocked at my door that I had been listening to the theft of my neighbours car!

The police wanted to know if I had heard anything during the night, so I gave them the above information. A little later in the morning I spoke to my neighbour who was obviously upset, not only by the loss of his car, but by the fact that the police had since found it burnt out in a nearby rubbish tip! Add to this that he was blaming himself for leaving the keys in the ignition, also that he was not insured, and one can understand how bad he was feeling.

The dawning of Spring...

An uneventful few weeks have passed since my last blog. The only real change in my life has been the long awaited installation of ceiling hoists in my bedroom and bathroom (I can now take an occasional bath!). This is a real asset to my team of support workers who, until now, have had to manoeuvre my portable hoist through doorways and around obstacles in the bedroom in order to get me in/out of my wheelchair.

I have actually started on the final chapters of my autobiography... making notes from Christmas newsletters I have written over the past few years in order to bring the book to an updated conclusion. This has been a sad task in many ways as it has revived painful memories of my broken marriage, the passing of much loved pets and numerous health-related issues but, of course, mercifully twixt the gloomy times are sandwiched a lot of happy memories.

I spent three days in hospital recently for diagnosis and treatment of staphylococcus aureus (a bug in the blood)... not a pleasant experience but, thankfully, it was soon cleared through the anti-biotics administered by dialysis.

May your Spring be filled with happy days of love, warmth and sunshine!

Mid-Winter Blues???

OK folks, be prepared for this 'open minded, hearts'n flowers, tissue filling tears'n all,' blog as I get a few things off my chest... and a bra isn't one of them!

I recently sorted through lots of memorabilia with the intention of getting rid of stacks of seldom used, no longer needed, items at my garage sale. The day in question greeted us with threats of rain, cold and gusty winds and the sort of weather one would expect at the north (or south - whichever is coldest) pole... certainly not condusive to attracting the masses to a garage sale.

A few friends and I braved the elements for a few hours as we waited patiently to make our fortunes (one man's trash is another man's treasure sort of thing), but the few bargain hunting souls who came through the gate turned up their coat collars (and noses), did a quick 'about turn' and exited, muttering things like "who'd want that junk anyway". We sold a couple of items which were 'real bargains' at $2 or $3 only to be asked if we would accept $1.50 - which we did!

So, about three hours later and $5 richer, we gave up and retreated indoors to the heater... undaunted but determined to "try again" later in the year when at least the weather should be a little kinder. In the meantime I'll forget all thoughts of saving for a holiday in Christchurch!

Amongst the old VCR's I re-discovered a lot of home movies which, thanks to my brother Geoff, I have had copied on to discs. This gives them a longer life and makes them more convenient for viewing. On the negative side however, came looking back at happier times, such as my 50th birthday celebrated with old friends - most of whom (for various reasons) are no longer around, together with the holidays in America and Europe shared with my wife Diane... well, those times now seem too good to be real.

Not forgetting those thirteen wonderful months when Diane and I lived in Paschendale (western Victoria) with our pet dogs Tess & Ollie, cats Claude & Mintie and our darling pet goat, Sybil... all happy memories - sadly missed - which will live on in my mind forever (can you hear those violins in the background?).

Then, just two weeks ago, came the much anticipated reunion of my old band, "Insight". Approx. 50 invitations were mailed out and a similar number of emails were despatched to old friends and fans of the group asking them all to 'get in early' as this may be the last time we will be holding one of these functions. I printed several posters and circulated these as widely as possible, initiated some radio and newspaper advertising, conservatively booked 60 'afternoon teas' for our anticipated guests and waited for the bookings to roll in.

Four days before 'show time', we cancelled the event and advised the THREE people who had booked that we had more in the band than there would be seated at tables! Undaunted (again) we are thinking of re-scheduling what we will advertise as the "Final Insight Reunion" in September or October.

Most mornings of my life I have awoken to positive thoughts of how much I intend to do and eargerly looking forward to the brand new day. Over recent weeks, however, after an average of 3 - 4 hours of interrupted sleep each night broken by lengthy bouts of scratching skin irritations (diagnosed as dermatitis) and the after effects of prescribed sleeping tablets (which only work in the latter hours) I awake feeling - and looking - like a "mumbie" (a cross between a mummie and a zombie).

On non-dialysis days (Sundays, Mondays, Wednesdays and Fridays) I spend much of my time gazing out the window with eyes half-closed or in front of the computer contemplating what to do next! Perhaps it's a reaction to my sleeplessness or the cold weather, but the needles penetrating my arm at dialysis time seem to be more painful than ever and the nurses are having more difficulty finding the right spots to 'jab'.

Each dialysis treatment takes four hours laying on my back while the machine I'm attached to does its work. Those four hours I usually spend trying to catch up on some sleep or thinking of how I could be putting all those hours to better use. I even do maths in my head! For example, at two needles per dialysis three times a week I worked out I have a minimum of 260 needles in my arm each year... riveting stuff!

The only really bright spots in recent weeks were brief visits from friends Harry & Glenda Wilkinson (Wangaratta) and Barbara (Melbourne)... bright spots on otherwise cold, wet and gloomy days!

Some days are diamonds...

Most of you will be familiar with lyrics of the song, "Some Days Are Diamonds" (which gives the alternative that "some days are stone". Well, naturally enough, I always keep chasing "diamond days"... with mixed success.

I discovered many moons ago that the secret to keeping on top of the 'negatives' in life is to 'create' things to look forward to... and this is what I do to the best of my ability, hence my 'blogging' suffers at times. For example, at the moment, I am in the middle of an extremely busy period of scheduled appointments thirteen days in a row! These, of course, include my three days a week of dialysis, plus visits to three doctors, a podiatrist, shopping, etc.

The only two real "diamond days" were when I had lunch in town with my daughter Leanne, and the acceptance of an invitation to attend a childrens birthday party at the home of Roberta, one of my support workers. Her son, Ayden, turned ten years old and celebrated with 17 of his friends and their parents. Roberta's mum works part-time as a childrens clown and face painter, hence the results of her handiwork in the above photo. Most of those in attendance agreed that it was a vast improvement on my looks!

Further upcoming "diamonds" include the 150th Baptist Church Anniversary Celebrations on June 7, a proposed garage sale (where I hope to sell heaps of useless items that presently clutter my unit), the Presentation Night Dinner of the local Darts League (my team failed to make it into the finals) and a journey to my brothers hometown of Maryborough on Friday, June 26 when I am to give a talk and officially introduce Geoff as the incoming President of his local Rotary Club.

The garage sale is designed to help me raise a few dollars for a very big "diamond"... my proposed trip to Christchurch, New Zealand, later this year. I only have enough money saved to pay for my airfares/accommodation, but nowhere near enough to cover the additional costs of taking a carer with me.

Why Christchurch? In a word - dialysis. I have always wanted to see a bit more of New Zealand after a brief visit there in 1988 and I have been told they have a very good dialysis unit at the hospital in Christchurch. Of course, without that treatment there would be no more holidays for this individual!

Memories of Bygone Days!

This photograph was printed in the local newspaper (The Bendigo Advertiser) a few weeks ago and it brought back many happy memories of when I was a young(er) man.
Taken in 1963, it shows the Bendigo Baptist Church Intermediate Christian Endeavour group of that time with li'l ol' me smack dab in the centre of the front row! It also shows my brother Geoff and my best friend Harry Wilkinson, amongst many other friends I had in the group. This was part of an article written by the paper about the upcoming 150th Anniversary of the church, when I hope to be attending some of the celebrations.

My recent weeks have been uneventful, apart from when I went to see a movie at the cinema for the first time in many moons. It was Gran Turana... a film I would highly recommend, starring Clint Eastwood.

My Easter was virtually a non-event as the pressure spots under my legs had become infected and were bleeding, thus I spent most of the time in bed in an attempt to relieve them. This will continue for some time, so I will be spending less time on my beloved computer!

The night before Good Friday was rather traumatic for me. My support worker who was due to do her shift putting me to bed at 9 p.m. phoned two hours earlier (just after I arrived home from my dialysis treatment) to say she was stranded out of town with a car that wouldn't start, so "sorry, but can you get someone else to do my shift"?

Phone calls to everyone in my team, plus the hospital, on call nurse and the after hours number of my service provider all met with negative results. By this time it was 10 p.m. and my legs were screaming for relief. I had broken out in a cold sweat and, in desperation, I checked the phone numbers on my computer of my past carers, phoning the only three that had not moved from their original addresses. The first two were also out of town and the third didn't answer!

I then rang another local service provider who said they couldn't help me because "our staff have not been trained to work with you". As I was speaking to them and telling them what I thought of them, the third of my past carers (Jan) rang to check who had called her earlier and told me that, after downing a quick cup of coffee, she would come around and put me to bed. I settled down to sleep at 11.30 p.m.

Needless to say I was also a trifle upset when the answering service of my service provider (Independence Australia, originally known as ParaQuad), said that their emergency calls were handled in the order of urgency, so I left a message saying my situation had become desperate and I needed to get to bed as quickly as possible.

I then waited for their expected return call... which came at 4 p.m. the following afternoon!!! They asked had I managed to get to bed yet, to which I mischieviously responded "no"... so they offered to send someone round to assist me! I then confessed that I HAD managed to get assistance, so they wished me a Happy Easter before hanging up... a great SERVICE provider!

I'm afraid the word "service" doesn't have the same meaning these days.