The life & times of Colin James

Easter and Beyond

2011-04-22T20:50:00.000-07:00

Funny how both Easter and Christmas bring out the 'blues' (depression) in me. Maybe it's because these are supposed to be happy family times, but for a sentimental guy like me who has no immediate family (not even a partner) it's a bit easier to understand.

The closest family I have are my daughter (at present holidaying on the Gold Coast with her family) and my brother, who lives with his wife in Maryborough, Victoria. I see them both roughly once a month and the people I see most often are the nursing staff at dialysis (three times a week), who - although they are all quite friendly and pleasant - are not the most inspiring people I have ever met!

This Easter Sunday, as I did last year, I took part in the local Easter Parade. I accompanied the mother of one of my carers, known as "Kyra the Clown", as we followed the procession of floats and bands, etc., along the route. "Kyra", like me, was in a wheelchair this time, after suffering a broken spine in a recent fall. We chased each other in our chairs and charged playfully at the children in the crowd, smiling and waving at everyone as we wished them a happy Easter.

I feel this may be the final Easter Parade for both of us as the 'fun' element has dissipated over time... maybe age is catching up on us! I hope not.

I get around to it EVENTUALLY!

2010-11-25T01:00:00.000-08:00

Would you believe it, I just read the 'Comments' section of my blogpage for the FIRST time since I started it (in March 2007). I know it's kind of a bit late, but thanks to each and every one of you for bothering to make a contribution to my blogs... much appreciated.

My journey to Geelong to receive the Life Membership Award from the BDRC (Barwon Disability Resource Council) came about as predicted in my previous blog. and my Bendigo carer (Roberta) and I enjoyed the trip which included Motel accommodation, taxi fares and meals as guests of the BDRC. That's a photograph of yours truly above with the Award.

This month will close with Roberta and I attending the combined 40th birthday and housewarming of my dear daughter Leanne, whose family moved into their new home just two weeks earlier. The occasion will be held on Saturday, November 27, just one day before the annual barbecue for my team of support workers (carers).

I invited the five current team members, plus two others who worked with me over an extended period in past years, but despite my semi-serious offer of payment to those who have been invited (I though a bribe might make them attend) it would appear that there may only be two coming (with their children), but more about that in my December Christmas blog.

Very Little News

2010-10-13T18:36:00.000-07:00

I think I'm 'back to normal' after my doomsday outburst a couple of 'blogs' back, although nothing has changed in my quest for a partner to share my life. Dating sites continue to yield the (extremely) odd response from ladies who all tell me (if they respond at all) that they are already "seeing" someone or that they "don't think it would work out between us" - which usually means (in the nicest possible way, of course) they're not keen on getting hooked with a guy in a wheelchair OR they consider I'm too old to be of any use to them!

If only they would give me the courtesy of meeting them - BEFORE they make that decision!

I have an overnight trip to my old hometown of Geelong coming up on Monday, Oct. 25, returning the next day after a meeting of past/present members of the Barwon Disability Resource Council... the body I was part of several years ago.
More about that in my next 'blog'.

Maybe things are looking up!

2010-09-04T02:53:00.000-07:00

After my 'outpouring of the blues' last week, I have been trying to get back to a better frame of mind, with a slight improvement being noticed by my excellent team of support workers.

At this point I must pay tribute to each of my four main workers... Julia, Roberta, Merryn and Glenda... each of whom have surpassed the formality of being my 'workers'... they are now my best friends and I love them all dearly.

Dear LORD, please give me the strength to carry on.

2010-08-28T23:16:00.000-07:00

I must be honest and confess that the last two weeks of my life have been amongst the toughest - both mentally and physically - that I have ever encountered. Physically I spent just over two weeks in the Bendigo Base Hospital, which included several lovely trips to where what are commonly known as a series of 'procedures' took place. Mentally, I have sunk to the lowest level in my life and feel very alone.

The first of these 'procedures' came about when my heart (which was racing) was literally 'stopped' and then re-started by zapping it with two shock paddles... thankfully I was 'out to it' while this was going on! Needless to say I recovered from this ordeal to front up to the next 'procedure' which was called "an MRI".

In the MRI, one is conveyed inert through an extremely narrow tunnel, where a team of jack-hammers pummel your eardrums for about 20 minutes (at least you DO get your choice of music to listen to over the racket of the jack-hammers), while they x-ray your back - and I quite enjoyed as much as I could hear of a song called, "The Farmer's Daughter" - must play it on my programmes! The MRI revealed nothing more than I had once had a broken back (the doctor's said, "nothing serious"... it had only been a small break). Needless to say I'd never known a thing about my broken back.

Another 'procedure' to entertain - or educate - your terrorists was when a ghastly looking tube is literally shoved down your throat and pushed to where it can take pretty pictures of the back region of your heart - in order to see what 'bugs' are vegetating (the doctors couldn't find any bugs, but they apparently lurk in 'vegetation', so that was a waste of effort as well)!

Amongst all these were a regular progression of blood tests, aimed at putting a 'bung' in my hand (which made it easier for a serious of medical 'experts' to come and fill up their little phials with my blood to do MORE tests - those 'bugs' MUST be somewhere! The problem here is that the poor little veins in my crooked left arm (my right arm is off limits for anything to be poked in it) all cower in horror when they see an approaching needle... either that or they collapse. This 'failure to get their blood' causes the werewolf to come out of nurses, doctors, and all medico's and they all line up to have a go of who can claim their prize out of this difficult little turkey... I'm not sure what the prize is, but the winner is the successful 'bung' installer! I can normally tolerate these little blood tests, but - no exaggeration here, I had NO LESS than eleven medical staff try their hardest (all very painfully) to extract blood from my veins in the first instant.

Towards the end of these 'procedures' my mind had said 'enough is enough' and "I WANT NO MORE BLOOD TESTS", until one lady Indian Doctor begged me to have a go, so I gave in... she attacked from the other side of my bed, put the tourniquet on ABOVE my left elbow (all the others had started on my left and put the tourniquet UNDER my left elbow) and she was "in like Flynn"!

OK, add to the above countless interruptions to my attempted slumber for blood pressures, thermometers stuck in one's ear, etc., that my return home yesterday from fifteen days of unspeakable horror give me the impression that Hospitals Make You Sick". Other little things that upset me were being asked if I "wanted to use the bottle" and when I said, "yes please", they told me they would be 'back in a minute'... to return TWO HOURS LATER.

Well, there is more to the above story, but let me just conclude by saying I'm very glad to be home... complete with my undiscovered 'bugs', until next time.

Winter Time in Bendigo, Australia

2010-07-30T19:40:00.000-07:00

The above photo shows the 2010 Bendigo Easter Fair Clowns... Back (L to R): Lateasha, Roberta, Kyra (Roberta's mum) and Front (L to R): me and Roberta's friends Kara and Caleb.

Yes, the cold chill of winter engulfs my bed each night and I can't help but lay in the dark and pull the sheets and blankets up over my shoulders, after saying my prayers (as I do) and try to drift off into Noddyland. It doesn't come easily. Living alone never does for me, but night times in winter is worst. Even cuddling into my teddy bear isn't very comforting (only jokin' about the teddy bear, but I still have no human bod to cuddle)!

No friends, I haven't 'blogged' for a while... nuthin' much to blog about, except the afore-mentioned "Swan Song", which took place on Friday, July 16. We had a fair crowd of around fifty people in the intimate and warm theatre, with all patrons seeming to enjoy the words and music we presented for them. My brother Geoff and old friend Olive Bice handled the musical backing superbly and Geoff acted as my 'interrogator/interviewer' in a style that any TV interviewer (including Parkinson) would be proud of.

If anyone wants a copy of the DVD recorded on the night, just let me know... there is a small cost of about AUD$15 for the two DVD's including postage.

Despite the thrice-weekly dialysis treatment of around five hours at a time and the resultant drying out of my vocal chords, the voice held up reasonably well, but I doubt whether I could do a full concert or dance function again.

My next project is the completion of my autobiography which, believe it or not, is getting closer every day and I'm hoping to have a launch date before the end of the year. I'm hoping to have a musical launch, combining the book with the release of my final CD of original songs, but - as always - time will be the determining factor.

My weekly schedule has changed slightly with my two radio programs now each Wednesday (country music from 12 to 2 p.m.) and Friday (requests and variety 12.30 to 2.30 p.m.). My co-presenter/panel operator is my support worker and good friend, Bobbie (Roberta) Exell and we seem to be developing a good rapport as a radio team, so tune us in some time. Our programs are heard around the world by logging into Phoenix 106.7 FM on your computer at www.phoenixfm.org and clicking on "Listen to Phoenix FM". If you have trouble, email me at coljames@bigpond.com.au

I have dropped out of darts for this season and will re-consider starting up at the end of next January... my team ended up in the preliminary final last June and I was awarded a Top 10 Certificate in my division for coming 2nd.

One area which my readers (you!) may be able to help me with is my search for some part-time income. Over the past month or so I have been searching through the numerous internet marketers and, as a result, have become terribly confused by their respective spiels and offers. Does anyone out there know one I can trust? I need to find some way of earning a few dollars before I can self-publish my book (unless you know of a friendly publisher). The other alternative is to publish on the web (on a 'pay per chapter' basis) or approach Amazon to consider putting it on their Kindle program. Any suggestions would be gratefully received, I assure you.

With that thought, I now leave you... but (as the man said) "I'll be back".

Cheers from Colin

Yet Another Milestone!

2010-04-30T17:29:00.000-07:00

I 'celebrated' my latest milestone by spending three of my busiest days in recent history. They went like this:

Wednesday... No time for breakfast, as my day commenced with a visit from my brother and his wife who brought morning tea with them, followed less than an hour later by my taxi arriving to take me to Phoenix FM for the presentation of my two hour country music radio program, followed 15 minutes later to an appointment with my renal doctor (after a two hour wait in the clinic) - no time for lunch), followed by a quick trip home to get ready for a pleasant visit to my daughter's home for dinner with her and her family and home to bed.

Thursday (my birthday)... No time for breakfast as my day commenced with a visit from my service provider and an occupational therapist for revision of my support workers daily procedures (interrupted by a visit from a friend to give me a birthday gift!), then lunch and off to my dialysis appointment (five hours) and straight to my weekly darts competition (I won one game and lost another) and home to bed (alone).

Friday... Up for breakfast (yayyyyy!), just in time for a visit for another visit from my service provider. This time he brought with him a gent from D.H.S. (Dept. of Health Services) to check my living conditions, just before my taxi arrived to
take me to Phoenix FM to present my two hour comedy radio program, after which I did my weekly shopping (no time for lunch) and caught a late bus home with just enough time to change for dinner at the local Bendigo Club with friends for a belated birthday dinner.

Today... Back to a normal dialysis day!

On Sunday, April 18, we held what will be our final reunion of my old band, "Insight", where we entertained (?) no less than an attendance of FIVE patrons to four hours of country and rock music. Needless to say we all enjoyed it, but I think it is definitely time to call a day to that part of my career!!! My final 'swan song' will be in June when Olive Bice (my original singing partner) and I will present our final concert in Bendigo.

An Expensive Movie and an Unhappy Hip

2010-03-05T00:21:00.000-08:00

In an attempt to alleviate the monotony of telling my friends "nothing different" to their question "wotcha bin doin'?" (no relation of Osama Bin Ladin), I decided to go to the movie, "Avatar", with one of my support workers. The 3D goggies and the animation were worth the effort and I gave it 7 out of 10 (a pretty good score for me). After leaving the theatre, we went shopping and I returned home without my wallet. Thanks to "Woolies", it eventually showed up, minus the $60 taken from the cash advance received after paying for my groceries (the finder obviously took their 'reward' before returning the wallet).

March 3rd commenced with yet another unscheduled hospital visit. I woke at 2 a.m. with an intense aching in my left hip, which spelt the end of my sleep for that night. I eventually rang one of my support team to get me a couple of panamax, which they did (after they went back to sleep for a couple of hours). By 6.30 a.m. with no relief from the panamax, I had had enough, so I phoned the ambulance which took another two hours to arrive and take me to the hospital for x-rays and blood tests, etc. All of this took until 2 p.m., by which time the the tests had revealed nothing and the pain had gone.

A self-diagnosis of gout, brought about by my recent cellulitis, was later confirmed by my doctors. Thus, they prescribed pain killers for the anticipation of further sleepless nights (but wait, there will be more?)!!!

On the Road Again... Just a quick update.

2010-02-04T16:53:00.000-08:00

OK folks... let's see how long I last THIS time before I take another trip to the hospital!

I'm playing darts again (my team has won the first two rounds of the season and I have won 3-1 of my singles games) and I return to radio next Monday night (Feb. 8).

My leg still isn't quite back to normal, but it's on the improve and my Dr. seems satisfied with its progress.

All I need now is a good lady in my life or to win first division in lotto (preferably in that order!). Any suggestions anyone?

'Twas the night before Christmas...

2010-01-12T15:36:00.000-08:00

I had completed my diaysis treatment for the day and was in a taxi on my way to my support workers home where I had been invited to stay the night. The caring lady, by name of Roberta, thought I may like to share Christmas morning with her family by getting up early and watching her three young children open up the goodies Santa had brought them.

Upon arriving and being welcomed at her home, I settled in to watch a bit of TV with them. Dialysis treatment always leaves me feeling tired and today was no exception, but now there was a different feeling... I was shivering with cold and my whole body had the shakes! After a few minutes I had to ask my friends to excuse me as I felt I must go to bed straight away.

The next thing I knew I was awake in a darkened room, in a strange bed with rails all around me! Was I in prison? No, I felt the rails and realised that they were part of the bed and it began to dawn on me where I was... in my support workers home!

Apparently I had 'blacked out' from the time I asked to go to bed and, somehow, Roberta had managed to get my lifeless body out of my wheelchair and into bed for the night.

After a few hours of intermittent sleep, I heard the pitter-patter of little feet... Roberta's children had woken up and were eager to open their presents. They had been told they must wait until I was out of bed and ready to watch the excitement.

Having been up several times during the night to check on my condition, Roberta dragged herself out of bed and came into my room and - finding I was more or less back to 'normal' - popped me back in my chair and prepared me to face Christmas Day 2009.

Presents were opened, breakfast was consumed, Roberta's family and friends began to arrive to celebrate the day with her and I was happy to be part of the gathering.

At lunchtime, I left Roberta's and caught another taxi to the home of my daughter, Leanne's, where she, her husband Craig and their boys - my grandsons - Jack, Ryan and Harry, had arranged for me to share a Christmas meal with them and their friends.

Feeling extremely tired - and full of good food - after all this activity, I arrived back home on the late afternoon of Christmas Day. Bed time that night brought back the 'shakes' and another mini-blackout!

The following morning, Boxing Day, brought a visit from the district nurse who took one look at my swollen left leg and immediately ordered an ambulance to take me to Hospital, where I was diagnosed with severe cellulitis.

Thus began 18 days of pain, needles, anti-biotics, sleepless nights, tears and mixed emotions, ending two days ago when I returned home to the care of my team of support workers. I still have to take things easy and only get up for limited amounts of time each day... but it beats being in hospital!

And so, it was a very different Christmas for me this year. My sincere apologies to those of you who didn't receive a greeting from me and the many whose emails went unanswered - I had just under 900 emails waiting for me to open when I got home (most of them were spam, of course).

Thanks a million to those of you who sent me Christmas greetings and to those who contacted me in hospital... you are all precious gems and very special to me. A special mention here to my brother Geoff and his wife Meryl, who visited me in hospital on several occasions, to friends Ron Nancarrow, Vera & Geoff Higgs and Kaye Butler who also visited, also to my daughter Leanne for her daily phone calls... and, of course, to Roberta and the others in my support team.

Now, to a necessarily slow recuperation. It will take some time until I return to the 'old me', but I'll get there. My regular radio programmes, darts and other activities may have to take a back seat for a little while, but WATCH THIS SPACE!

MORE Trophies!

2009-12-13T00:18:00.001-08:00

We won! Pictured is li'l ol' me trying to hide behind two trophies collected on darts presentation night... one for being a member of the winning team and the smaller one for Best Average Score and most number of wins.

Anyway, enough of my bragging! November saw me with a new Visa card and cutting back on my spending (including food!) in an effort to save some money for buying Christmas presents. The blowdarts demonstration went well and I took part in the groups one-day tournament losing in the end to the captain of the Colac team. The main objective was achieved, however, by showing how I compete by using my special blowdarts equipment.

A BBQ for my support workers was not the greatest of successes with only three of my team in attendance, but it was still a social success and I'll have another early in 2010. A pre-Christmas dinner with friends and family went very well... 26 of us enjoyed a meal and each others company on Dec. 6 at the Bendigo Club.

Over 30 years ago, when I first lived in Bendigo, I was a member of the local Chess Club. My greatest achievement was winning the B-Grade Trophy one year. A good friend by name of Alan Williams, who played in A-Grade at the time, still lives here and during a recent visit he asked if I would "still like a game". Being one who never knocks back a challenge, I took him up on his offer and we now meet on a regular basis on Wednesday mornings... and he still thrashes me. Given time, however, I reckon I'll beat him!!

Almost Christmas and my usual last minute rush to print out my Annual Christmas Newsletters (also known as 'cards'), gift wrapping, etc. One of my support team, Roberta, has invited me to spend Christmas Eve at her home, so I can wake up Christmas morning and see her three young children open their gifts from Santa. I will leave there at Noon and go to my daughter Leanne's for Christmas lunch with her husband and my three grandsons, twins Jack & Ryan and young Harry.

May God be kind to us all for another twelve months and enrich our lives with good health, lots of love and peace in abundance.

As Christmas Approaches...

2009-11-07T00:46:00.000-08:00

Well, I did it! I crammed as much activity into the past few weeks as I could and - as I write - am feeling a little better for it.

For example: I attended/did the following...

church with one of my carers and her children
a concert at the RSL Club that same evening to hear a band from Queensland which featured Sylvia, the drummer from one of my old bands
two dinners with my singles' social club (which I am trying to revive)
a picnic at the park across the road with one of my carers and her family (after which I had a stomach upset and had to get another carer to stay the night - just in case!)
caught a bus to the shopping centre where my daughter works, had a chat with her and met her work mates
accepted an invitation to give a blowdarts demonstration at the Colac Darts Club (three hours drive each way with one of my carers and her husband).

Still on the subject of darts, on November 19 the darts team I play for will contest the Grand Final... and, I feel, we have a good chance of winning. I have been happy with my form in having gone through the season undefeated. I lost my first singles game in the semi-final (best of three), however, but recovered to win 2 - 1.

I had two overnight visits from my Melbourne friend Barbara. She came with me to my community radio program on Phoenix FM... also a visit from Lisa, one of my ex-Geelong carers. She brought me some irish stew and I have always LOVED Lisa's irish stew!

Incidentally, Phoenix FM is streamed all over the world through the internet, so my program can be heard live by anyone with a computer. I have a number of listeners in Ireland who have sent me CD's and DVD's of some of their top artists which makes it all worthwhile. It would be great to 'spread the word' even further, so if you - or anyone you know - are interested.

I am on air every second Monday night from 8 to 10 p.m. (Australian Eastern Daylight Saving Time). Just login to http://www.phoenixfm.org/ and click on the Phoenix FM logo. My on-air dates to the end of this year are Mondays, Nov. 16, 30 and Dec. 14, 28.

I enjoy the challenge of trying to track down requests from my listeners. These are open to any genre of music and are usually played in the first hour of my programme. If you would like me to play any of your favourite songs please get in touch. My email address is coljames@bigpond.com.au.

All of the above and then... a new experience. I went absolutely broke! For the first time I owed the bank money... and began living from week to week on my disability pension. I even had to borrow from my carers to buy lunch!

And so, a new goal in my life... to claw my way back financially in time for Christmas! To make this task a little harder I went shopping for groceries yesterday and looked in my wallet to find my Visa card had gone missing. A thorough search proved fruitless, so I had no alternative but to cancel my old card and order a new one.

Ned Kelly was right... "such is life"!

Time to take my own advice!

2009-10-10T17:48:00.000-07:00

I'm not sure why I am writing this particular blog. Maybe it's because I feel particularly alone today and that's when blogs can help to fill a void... someone to talk to when there's no one to talk to! I'm not trying to hide the fact that I am still wishing, hoping and praying for someone to enter my life as a friend, lover and soulmate. I simply don't feel 'complete' as I am.

All the emails I receive from people I rarely (if ever) see are welcome, but they are not the same as communicating in flesh and blood and my greatest fear at these times appears more and more likely of eventuating - that of ending my days alone.

Apart from emails, my most immediate contacts are my support workers... most have become good friends. They tell me I should be satisfied with my life as I have had three good marriages. I can't agree with that though because, for a start, if they were so good I would not be on my own right now, would I? Also, there is little value living in the past... it's the FUTURE I want to look forward to, not the past. I'd like to feel I still have a future.

I always tell others that they have to make things happen in their lives... create things or events... so I guess it's time I took my own advice. Watch this space!

THIEVES IN THE NIGHT!

2009-09-28T03:02:00.000-07:00

As I go through a period of sleepless nights (don't know why... just a combination of itches and a restless mind, I think) I am usually awake until mid morning. So it was a couple of weeks ago when, at 3 a.m., I heard a woman and a man chatting nearby, followed by the closing of a car door, the revving of a motor and the departure of a vehicle. Little did I know until 8 a.m. when the police knocked at my door that I had been listening to the theft of my neighbours car!

The police wanted to know if I had heard anything during the night, so I gave them the above information. A little later in the morning I spoke to my neighbour who was obviously upset, not only by the loss of his car, but by the fact that the police had since found it burnt out in a nearby rubbish tip! Add to this that he was blaming himself for leaving the keys in the ignition, also that he was not insured, and one can understand how bad he was feeling.

The dawning of Spring...

2009-08-31T19:50:00.000-07:00

An uneventful few weeks have passed since my last blog. The only real change in my life has been the long awaited installation of ceiling hoists in my bedroom and bathroom (I can now take an occasional bath!). This is a real asset to my team of support workers who, until now, have had to manoeuvre my portable hoist through doorways and around obstacles in the bedroom in order to get me in/out of my wheelchair.

I have actually started on the final chapters of my autobiography... making notes from Christmas newsletters I have written over the past few years in order to bring the book to an updated conclusion. This has been a sad task in many ways as it has revived painful memories of my broken marriage, the passing of much loved pets and numerous health-related issues but, of course, mercifully twixt the gloomy times are sandwiched a lot of happy memories.

I spent three days in hospital recently for diagnosis and treatment of staphylococcus aureus (a bug in the blood)... not a pleasant experience but, thankfully, it was soon cleared through the anti-biotics administered by dialysis.

May your Spring be filled with happy days of love, warmth and sunshine!

Mid-Winter Blues???

2009-07-14T22:39:00.000-07:00

OK folks, be prepared for this 'open minded, hearts'n flowers, tissue filling tears'n all,' blog as I get a few things off my chest... and a bra isn't one of them!

I recently sorted through lots of memorabilia with the intention of getting rid of stacks of seldom used, no longer needed, items at my garage sale. The day in question greeted us with threats of rain, cold and gusty winds and the sort of weather one would expect at the north (or south - whichever is coldest) pole... certainly not condusive to attracting the masses to a garage sale.

A few friends and I braved the elements for a few hours as we waited patiently to make our fortunes (one man's trash is another man's treasure sort of thing), but the few bargain hunting souls who came through the gate turned up their coat collars (and noses), did a quick 'about turn' and exited, muttering things like "who'd want that junk anyway". We sold a couple of items which were 'real bargains' at $2 or $3 only to be asked if we would accept $1.50 - which we did!

So, about three hours later and $5 richer, we gave up and retreated indoors to the heater... undaunted but determined to "try again" later in the year when at least the weather should be a little kinder. In the meantime I'll forget all thoughts of saving for a holiday in Christchurch!

Amongst the old VCR's I re-discovered a lot of home movies which, thanks to my brother Geoff, I have had copied on to discs. This gives them a longer life and makes them more convenient for viewing. On the negative side however, came looking back at happier times, such as my 50th birthday celebrated with old friends - most of whom (for various reasons) are no longer around, together with the holidays in America and Europe shared with my wife Diane... well, those times now seem too good to be real.

Not forgetting those thirteen wonderful months when Diane and I lived in Paschendale (western Victoria) with our pet dogs Tess & Ollie, cats Claude & Mintie and our darling pet goat, Sybil... all happy memories - sadly missed - which will live on in my mind forever (can you hear those violins in the background?).

Then, just two weeks ago, came the much anticipated reunion of my old band, "Insight". Approx. 50 invitations were mailed out and a similar number of emails were despatched to old friends and fans of the group asking them all to 'get in early' as this may be the last time we will be holding one of these functions. I printed several posters and circulated these as widely as possible, initiated some radio and newspaper advertising, conservatively booked 60 'afternoon teas' for our anticipated guests and waited for the bookings to roll in.

Four days before 'show time', we cancelled the event and advised the THREE people who had booked that we had more in the band than there would be seated at tables! Undaunted (again) we are thinking of re-scheduling what we will advertise as the "Final Insight Reunion" in September or October.

Most mornings of my life I have awoken to positive thoughts of how much I intend to do and eargerly looking forward to the brand new day. Over recent weeks, however, after an average of 3 - 4 hours of interrupted sleep each night broken by lengthy bouts of scratching skin irritations (diagnosed as dermatitis) and the after effects of prescribed sleeping tablets (which only work in the latter hours) I awake feeling - and looking - like a "mumbie" (a cross between a mummie and a zombie).

On non-dialysis days (Sundays, Mondays, Wednesdays and Fridays) I spend much of my time gazing out the window with eyes half-closed or in front of the computer contemplating what to do next! Perhaps it's a reaction to my sleeplessness or the cold weather, but the needles penetrating my arm at dialysis time seem to be more painful than ever and the nurses are having more difficulty finding the right spots to 'jab'.

Each dialysis treatment takes four hours laying on my back while the machine I'm attached to does its work. Those four hours I usually spend trying to catch up on some sleep or thinking of how I could be putting all those hours to better use. I even do maths in my head! For example, at two needles per dialysis three times a week I worked out I have a minimum of 260 needles in my arm each year... riveting stuff!

The only really bright spots in recent weeks were brief visits from friends Harry & Glenda Wilkinson (Wangaratta) and Barbara (Melbourne)... bright spots on otherwise cold, wet and gloomy days!

Some days are diamonds...

2009-06-02T21:03:00.000-07:00

Most of you will be familiar with lyrics of the song, "Some Days Are Diamonds" (which gives the alternative that "some days are stone". Well, naturally enough, I always keep chasing "diamond days"... with mixed success.

I discovered many moons ago that the secret to keeping on top of the 'negatives' in life is to 'create' things to look forward to... and this is what I do to the best of my ability, hence my 'blogging' suffers at times. For example, at the moment, I am in the middle of an extremely busy period of scheduled appointments thirteen days in a row! These, of course, include my three days a week of dialysis, plus visits to three doctors, a podiatrist, shopping, etc.

The only two real "diamond days" were when I had lunch in town with my daughter Leanne, and the acceptance of an invitation to attend a childrens birthday party at the home of Roberta, one of my support workers. Her son, Ayden, turned ten years old and celebrated with 17 of his friends and their parents. Roberta's mum works part-time as a childrens clown and face painter, hence the results of her handiwork in the above photo. Most of those in attendance agreed that it was a vast improvement on my looks!

Further upcoming "diamonds" include the 150th Baptist Church Anniversary Celebrations on June 7, a proposed garage sale (where I hope to sell heaps of useless items that presently clutter my unit), the Presentation Night Dinner of the local Darts League (my team failed to make it into the finals) and a journey to my brothers hometown of Maryborough on Friday, June 26 when I am to give a talk and officially introduce Geoff as the incoming President of his local Rotary Club.

The garage sale is designed to help me raise a few dollars for a very big "diamond"... my proposed trip to Christchurch, New Zealand, later this year. I only have enough money saved to pay for my airfares/accommodation, but nowhere near enough to cover the additional costs of taking a carer with me.

Why Christchurch? In a word - dialysis. I have always wanted to see a bit more of New Zealand after a brief visit there in 1988 and I have been told they have a very good dialysis unit at the hospital in Christchurch. Of course, without that treatment there would be no more holidays for this individual!

Memories of Bygone Days!

2009-04-08T03:50:00.000-07:00

This photograph was printed in the local newspaper (The Bendigo Advertiser) a few weeks ago and it brought back many happy memories of when I was a young(er) man.
Taken in 1963, it shows the Bendigo Baptist Church Intermediate Christian Endeavour group of that time with li'l ol' me smack dab in the centre of the front row! It also shows my brother Geoff and my best friend Harry Wilkinson, amongst many other friends I had in the group. This was part of an article written by the paper about the upcoming 150th Anniversary of the church, when I hope to be attending some of the celebrations.

My recent weeks have been uneventful, apart from when I went to see a movie at the cinema for the first time in many moons. It was Gran Turana... a film I would highly recommend, starring Clint Eastwood.

My Easter was virtually a non-event as the pressure spots under my legs had become infected and were bleeding, thus I spent most of the time in bed in an attempt to relieve them. This will continue for some time, so I will be spending less time on my beloved computer!

The night before Good Friday was rather traumatic for me. My support worker who was due to do her shift putting me to bed at 9 p.m. phoned two hours earlier (just after I arrived home from my dialysis treatment) to say she was stranded out of town with a car that wouldn't start, so "sorry, but can you get someone else to do my shift"?

Phone calls to everyone in my team, plus the hospital, on call nurse and the after hours number of my service provider all met with negative results. By this time it was 10 p.m. and my legs were screaming for relief. I had broken out in a cold sweat and, in desperation, I checked the phone numbers on my computer of my past carers, phoning the only three that had not moved from their original addresses. The first two were also out of town and the third didn't answer!

I then rang another local service provider who said they couldn't help me because "our staff have not been trained to work with you". As I was speaking to them and telling them what I thought of them, the third of my past carers (Jan) rang to check who had called her earlier and told me that, after downing a quick cup of coffee, she would come around and put me to bed. I settled down to sleep at 11.30 p.m.

Needless to say I was also a trifle upset when the answering service of my service provider (Independence Australia, originally known as ParaQuad), said that their emergency calls were handled in the order of urgency, so I left a message saying my situation had become desperate and I needed to get to bed as quickly as possible.

I then waited for their expected return call... which came at 4 p.m. the following afternoon!!! They asked had I managed to get to bed yet, to which I mischieviously responded "no"... so they offered to send someone round to assist me! I then confessed that I HAD managed to get assistance, so they wished me a Happy Easter before hanging up... a great SERVICE provider!

I'm afraid the word "service" doesn't have the same meaning these days.

2009-02-09T00:12:00.000-08:00

Snakes and bushfires!

2009-02-08T21:36:00.000-08:00

A couple of quiet weeks since my last blog, yet the past few days have presented a horrific period for my city of Bendigo in Central Victoria with the devastating bushfires which have destroyed dozens of homes and taken at least one life (a man in a wheelchair) in their wake. Fortunately for me the fires were on the other side to where I live and, apart from the haze and smoke which drifted across my region, I saw very little of their impact.

On a more direct and personal level, above is a photo taken at "Harrymas" (see my previous post) of The James Brothers (Geoff and me) and I have lost one of my support workers who left for personal reasons (problems in her family) and will possibly be changing to another service provider in the next few weeks for my attendant care.

My thrice-weekly dialysis treatments continue with the usual painful needling, but - as pointed out by several of the nurses - "it's the best alternative"... the other alternative being to go without the treatment and die!

I have also commenced another season of playing competition darts. This is with a new team (for me), none of whom I knew before, so I'm not sure how we will go. Initial indications are that we will have an uphill battle to win many games.

It's birthday month in the family with my twin grandsons turning 15 on the 13th and my brother Geoff passing another milestone on the 23rd.

16 days in and... little has changed!

2009-01-15T21:18:00.000-08:00

My team of carers are a great, but diverse bunch! All good workers and very caring, but I could easily imagine a TV lifestyle programme - or telemovie - being written around my life with them. One is a single mum with three children under 10, another is on the verge of a marriage break-up, a third is mixing her care duties with being a school teacher and a fourth is such a lover of all creatures great and small, that she will literally pick up a spider and carefully take it outside to continue its life in my garden! Each one has many other stories to tell, but one has to respect their privacy... and confidentiality is the keyword in being a carer.

NYE and I was spot on! I was in bed by 9.30 watching TV, which continued until I turned the sound down at midnight and saw the huge display of fireworks going off in Sydney and Melbourne, while I listened to the five or six being detonated in my street! My sole companion was the spider on my ceiling which was waiting for my carer to put him out the next morning to celebrate the first day of the new year amongst my pot plants.

I am looking forward to this coming Sunday where the remnants of my family... my brother Geoff, daughter Leanne and their respective partners and children... will join me to celebrate "Harrymas". This is our annual get-together in memory of our Dad (Harry), whose birthday was on January 6... we will sing a few of his favourite songs, look at some of his photographs and, in general, reminisce about the times we shared together.

Over the past week I have sent out, by both snail mail and email, over 100 invitations to family and friends for three 'events' I have planned for this year. The first is a backyard barbecue (yes, ANOTHER one!) in February, the second (in April) is the celebration of yet another birthday (I stopped counting them at 45!), with a reunion of some of the musicians and entertainers from the days when I ran a reasonably prominent entertainment Agency known as BAMPA (Bendigo Artists Management & Promotions Agency).

The third of these functions, to be held in July, is the annual reunion of my old band, "Insight", together with a get-together of members from the CJSC (Colin James Social Club) which was very successful in fundraising for local charities in Bendigo from the late 50's to the early 70's.

So, I'm "living in the past"! So, who cares? It was a damn good one, so why not??

OK 2009... Come on, give me your best shot!

2008-12-26T16:28:00.000-08:00

The Christmas and New Year season always brings out the most reflective emotions in me and this year was no different. There was little I could do to prevent past memories from returning and even though I spent a pleasant enough Christmas Day with friends and family, I couldn't help but feel very much alone as I thought of my last Christmas in Geelong seven years ago. It was spent with my ex-wife Diane and our little family of pets... to me that was what Christmas is meant to be - shared with those you truly love and feel where you rightfully belong. Sadly, those days have long since passed and will never return.

New Years Eve is just a couple of days away and this will be yet another time of reflection for me. I will be spending it "home alone", probably watching television in bed after my support worker leaves around 10 p.m.

A few weeks back I forwarded copies of chapters 1 and 2 of the final draft of my autobiography to ten specially chosen friends and family members, with a view of getting their opinions on whether I was wasting my time pursuing it's publication and, in general, seeking their input as to where/how/if it could be changed to be of most interest to the general public. Of those ten, only three responded by asking me for more chapters. This comes as somewhat of a disappointment, although there could be any number of good reasons for their lack of response.

I believe - and I have been advised by several people - that I have an interesting story to tell, so I obviously want to do it in the best way possible... simply to leave something of myself behind that may prove of interest and possible motivation to others. 28 chapters have been written with one or two more to complete when/if I get the incentive. This has already been a work in progress for the past 12 - 15 years and I am determined to take it as far as possible in the coming year, even if I self-publish, either in book form or on the web.

So, there you have it... my hopes and ambitions for 2009 - to find a soulmate and publish my autobiography - both carried over for several years. Will either eventuate is the million dollar question, but as each year passes the urgency is becoming more intense - for obvious reasons.

I would love to travel again to another country (maybe France, New Zealand or Singapore), but being tied to dialysis treatments three times a week will make this most unlikely - unless I have the operation to change to peritoneal dialysis, thus allowing me to take a machine wherever I go. I would also need the assistance of a friend (or partner) to travel with me for the purpose of connecting me to the machine each night... and to my mind this is not an ideal way to spend a holiday.

Hopefully I will return to this Blogging spot early in the New Year on a more positive note... being negative simply isn't the normal ME!!!

The End of Another Year... Phew!

2008-12-10T16:08:00.000-08:00

Think I'd better get this one out of the way as soon as possible! The last few weeks have been a mix of highs and lows... the latter including two bouts of gastro and several days in the local AND Austin (Melbourne) Hospitals. The Austin for an operation to remove blood clots from my fistula (dialysis tube in my right arm).

The highs included a couple of barbecues at my place... one for old friends and the other for my team of support workers (carers) and their families/friends. I also had a welcome visit from Barbara - a friend from Melbourne (pictured).

The next few weeks will include a night out with friends at the local Bendigo Club where my brother's band (The Impalas) will be providing the music and Christmas Day, where I have been invited to have lunch at the home of my carer Roberta and dinner with my daughter Leanne and her family (no more gastro PLEEEEASE God!!!).

New Years Eve (if I survive Christmas) will be a quiet one at home alone.

Until then my days will be spent doing the usual belated Christmas shopping, writing on and posting cards.

My best wishes to you and yours for a happy end of year... with thanks for reading my blogs.

Captain Cook sinks!

2008-11-03T01:49:00.000-08:00

My team, sponsored by the Captain Cook Hotel, won its way into the Grand Final of the local darts league, but - as I predicted - we got thrashed! The scoreline of 6 games to 1 showed how outclassed we were, but it was still a good night with everyone enjoying the competition in the true spirit of the game. Our opposition, sponsored by the Manchester Arms Hotel, was a team of family members... the Bullocks, consisting of father Bullock, his daughter, three sons and a close family friend who, incidentally, has since formed a relationship with a female member of OUR team!

The father has also 'poached' one of our best players in an attempt to form a 'super' team for the next darts season, which commences late January 2009, so this leaves me back at square one to either form another new team or try to join an existing one.

Apart from darts, my life has continued in the usual manner with very few highlights. I attended the Bendigo Show, disputed a few transactions on my VISA card statement (which ended by me having it cancelled and issued with a new one), sold a few rings from my collection (if anyone would like to see a listing - including photographs and prices - please let me know), lost over $300 on a stupid "investment" when I 'clicked' on a lottery site promoting a syndicate entry BEFORE I realised how much I was about to pay and caught a dose of the 'flu'... apart from those events, my life has been very ordinary!

At the Mayoral Ball

2008-09-20T23:53:00.000-07:00

My support worker Roberta and I attended the local Mayoral Ball on Saturday, Sept. 13 and both agreed it was a good night... even though we left around 10.30 p.m. Roberta had had a late night the evening before, so was ready for an early bed time. Her mother agreed to 'baby-sit' Roberta's three children (all under the age of nine), but added "don't be too late".

Roberta's gown (made to order on eBay from China) arrived just a day before the ball and drew complimentary remarks from all who saw her wearing it (see photo... that's me at the rear in my gladrags).

My only other news is that I am expecting a visit from Austin Hospital peritoneal dialysis staff this week to discuss the prospect of me switching from haemodialysis to this alternative. It has the advantage of being administered overnight at home, thus freeing up my daytime hours and enabling me to use it at other destinations.

On the other hand (possible DISadvantages), I will need to have an operation to (a) remove a hernia and (b) to insert a tube into my stomach for what is known as PD (peritoneal dialysis). Doctors are concerned that my ticker may not survive another operation of this nature after my close call last year, so a few questions have to be asked and answered before a final decision is made.

My present frame of mind dictates that I 'give it a go' as, even though I continue to 'think positive' most of the time, I feel I have little to lose if it gives me back more time for travelling and re-motivates me in other areas... like searching for a soulmate! Again folks, watch this space!

If you want to know more about my options, type either 'haemodialysis' or 'peritoneal dialysis' into your search engine.

The last day of Winter

2008-08-31T02:31:00.000-07:00

I'm not sorry to see the last day of Winter as it will mean I can look forward to going out more often, even if it's only for shopping! With no meaningful lady in my life I really have no one to take anywhere, although one event coming up on September 13 that I am really looking forward to is the local Mayoral Ball. I received an invitation and thought, "dammit, why not?" Next problem was to find a partner, so I asked one of my support workers, Roberta, to accompany me. Surprisingly (to me) she agreed and is now in the process of having a gown specially made for the occasion, while I have purchased a black bow tie to go with my rarely worn black suit coat.

August has been a fairly quiet month, apart from my thrice weekly dialysis treatments at the hospital and my weekly competition darts evenings. My darts team now sits on top of the ladder with only one loss over the first 9 rounds and just five more rounds before the finals. My personal tally stands at 11 wins and 3 losses, so I'm reasonably happy with that. Our team is slowly developing into a consistent unit and our scores are improving each week, so fingers crossed for the big matches to come.

My jewellery collection has doubled and I am now in the process of arranging ways of checking its real value, after which will come determining ways of selling it. One local jeweller has confirmed that I have bought at least three good quality items at a really good price through the online auctions, so that has heartened me to keep going. I have also started to buy items on behalf of friends who are looking for particular pieces of jewellery... they choose what they want from the site and tell me the maximum amount they wish to bid and I try to get it for them. I'm happy to do this for 'love', of course, as it allows me the feeling of being of value to someone.

And that to me, dear friends, is all important in my life.

A housewetting and moody motherboard

2008-07-28T02:09:00.000-07:00

The day of my planned housewarming (on July 20) dawned bleak and showery... as it continued throughout the day. This, however, did not deter 22 resolute and faithful friends from turning up, armed with enough food and refreshments to quell the appetites of three times that many!

22, as it turned out, was just a nice number of buddies to enjoy the indoor activity which included barbecued meat cooked outdoors under shelter and lots of reminiscing, not to mention the singalong lead by my brother/guitarist, Geoff James, together with my old singing partner, Olive Bice.

Just two days earlier my computer spat the dummy for no apparent reason and refused to function. Even my learned brother, who is somewhat of a computer guru, could do nothing more than tell me my 'motherboard was stuffed' and it could cost upwards of $1000 to replace it. As it turned out he was spot on, except it cost $937! I now possess a nice new shiny black motherboard and a few less programs... which I hope to have restored as soon as possible.

It has been said that "to make money, you have to spend money', so, in an attempt to pay off my computer expenses, I have launched into becoming a buyer/seller of online jewellery. I bought three items at low cost on eBay, before discovering www.Bidz.com, which is an authentic online jewellery auction site. My new pastime sitting, eyes glued to the monitor screen and my blood pressure going up as my bank balance goes down, has cost me on the region of $400 so far.

I am now the proud but confused owner of one pearl necklace and seven diamond rings of various shades and sizes... proud of my ability to outbid several other would-be jewel collectors and confused as to what to do with my haul! Will I try to flog it to other buyers of jewellery throughout the country or sell it on eBay? Will I make a profit or end up chasing my losses? Or will I end up learning yet another lesson and give it all away as Christmas presents? Watch this space for the answers to these and many other intriguing questions!

In an earlier Blog, I referred to my problems with ambulance transport and my team of support workers. The ambulance situation remains unresolved, but I DO have a new support worker by name of Samantha, who is working out quite well despite her comparitive youth (she is 29) and inexperience.

Dialysis treatment of yesterday was a yucky experience as, following a hearty morning tea at the hospital and a lunch of chicken sandwiches, I developed a nagging headache which preceeded a "technicolour yawn of great proportions" and an early taxi ride back home.

Meanwhile, I am firmly entrenched as captain of the Captain Cook Darts Team. I still 'blow' my darts from a blowpipe instead of throwing them in the normal manner. Our team has two reasonably strong players (Bernie and me) and four inexperienced, inconsistent, but improving players (Jackie, Angela, David and Cook). We have won three of the first four weeks to date by the narrowest of margins, but have not yet played the two strongest teams. My personal tally sees me undefeated at this stage, but - luckily - I have not faced very strong opposition in my games.

This suits me as I am fairly tired after having dialysis treatment earlier that day (we play each Thursday) and I usually play the last game of the night... which could end up as late as midnight!

My life may not be all that wonderful at times, but it's never dull!

Another Mess of the Blues!

2008-07-05T02:39:00.000-07:00

They (whoever 'they' are!) say that things happen in threes. Well, the following has happened in my life over the past ten days...

My dialysis treatment days were changed from Mondays, Wednesdays and Fridays to Tuesdays, Thursdays and Saturdays beginning on July 3 (two days ago). This has been done to enable more patients access to the dialysis machines on what were the 'quieter' days and allow new patients to commence when the majority of staff are available.

With this change, the ambulance service which has transported me (free of charge) to/from dialysis treatments since January of this year has 'pulled the plug' as I am no longer considered to be in "need" of their services. The head nurse of the dialysis unit is of the opinion that I can travel in a wheelchair taxi to/from my appointments (at my own expense), thus freeing up an ambulance for more urgent cases... and, of course, the manager of the ambulance service has agreed to this suggestion as a means of cutting costs.

While this sounds quite reasonable, I have now been placed in a situation where I must travel to/from the hospital in my wheelchair, sitting on an ulcerated leg, whereas before I was conveyed on a stretcher (without pressure on my leg) and transferred to/from the hospital bed by the ambulance officers upon my arrival/departure.

The resultant extra work on hospital staff, I believe, outweighs the need of a wheelchair taxi. For example, the nurses must transfer me from/to my wheelchair to/from the bed and change the dressing on my leg before I go back in my chair and wait for the taxi to take me home.

The cost factor is another issue. Each visit will cost me in the vicinity of $14.00 which, at the moment, I really cannot afford - moving house has already cost much more than I anticipated, so this added expense has come at a bad time.

My support workers, doctor and ambulance officers are in disagreement with these new arrangements. They believe that I should be able to continue using the ambulance service until arrangements for my home dialysis are in place, which should be completed in about two months. The ambo's (ambulance officers) tell me there are two Code 3 ambulances set aside for non-essential transport (people like me), so they see no reason for any immediate change.

Meanwhile, my existing team of support workers (formerly known as 'carers') is being put under pressure by the fact that one (Julia) is going on extended leave next week. With this in mind, interviews have been taking place with potential candidates to be added to my team. Problems have arisen and many of those who would have been considered have dropped out due to delays in getting the essential paperwork (e.g. police checks, birth and qualification certificates, etc.) finalised by my service provider (ParaQuad) in order for them to start work with me.

I have had to call on past members of the team to come back and fill the gaps brought about by Julia's departure. Thankfully, this appears to be falling into place, although I will still need at least one new team member to come on board, so the sooner ParaQuad can get their act together the better. To be fair, ParaQuad are going through a transition of new staff who are still learning communication skills, so people like me have to be patient!

On top of all this, a close friend has been diagnosed with cancer and is about to undergo surgery.

On a brighter note, I attended the June 29 wedding of my nephew Nathan, to his lovely bride Jacquie, at the beautiful (but extremely cold) Tatra Receptions in Lilydale. It was a very happy occasion and did much to (briefly) dull the 'blues' surrounding me at the moment. My partner for the event was Barbara, a lady I met on one of the dating sites - very pleasant company and, hopefully, we will remain friends... but she has made it clear that's as far as our relationship will go!

I now look forward to July 20 when I am hosting my Housewarming Tea Party at my new residence in Strathdale. The 60+ invitations I mailed out have attracted only two responses at this stage, but RSVP date is not until July 12, so I'm hoping everyone is leaving their decision until the last minute (as they do!).

Such is (my) life!

Here I am... for better or worse?

2008-05-31T22:15:00.000-07:00

A little over one week in from moving to my housing unit and I'm still a little uncertain whether I'm happy or otherwise in my new environment... there is certainly a lot more space and a pleasant rustic outlook, but that additional space seems to have created a lonelier atmosphere.

My team of support workers have done a tremendous job of helping me with unpacking and re-establishing all my goods and chattels and, in time, I think I will feel much better off... BUT there is still the feeling of not being 'complete' without someone special to share it with. Regardless of this, I'm stuck with it, so may as well make the most of my situation.

I now have a TEMPORARY phone/internet WIRELESS system, which will operate until Telstra have completed their cable work in this area (the date I have been given is July 4, would you believe?). The good news is that, until then when my landline is re-connected, I should be able to send/receive phone calls and emails as normal. At least that is what they tell me!

The bus system in this area is very different to that experienced in my previous area as I now have to make a longer trek to the closest bus stop in order to go into town for shopping, but on the credit side I have a good motel and restaurant close by.

A Fresh Start?

2008-05-20T02:09:00.000-07:00

I really thought that, when I left Geelong and moved into a housing unit in Bosquet Street, Bendigo, that my next move would be from there to the cemetary. With the onset of chronic renal kidney failure last year and the resultant need for regular dialysis treatment, however, came the suggestion that I should, eventually, seek home dialysis.

This would mean that, instead of going to hospital three times a week and staring at the ceiling for up to five hours at a time, I could have the treatment in my own home at times that suited my needs (even overnight if I could get a support worker to 'sleep over'). I would still have to have an equal amount of time on a machine (which would be on loan to me), but my exising team of support workers would have the responsibility - and be paid - to supervise the operation.

With this in mind I made enquiries and was told that, in order to have dialysis in the home, I would need to have a much larger residence than my existing one bedroom Ministry of Housing unit... I would need at least one extra room for storage of necessary equipment. Bearing in mind that I waited almost 18 months to get my Bosquet Street unit, I submitted my application with the assistance of my occupational therapist and prepared myself for another loooong wait!

Three weeks later, after ringing the Department and finding that my application had not arrived, I had a visit from an apologetic Housing Support Co-ordinator who assured me that he would do his best to speed up my application. Less than 24 hours later he rang and asked if I had arranged for a removalist. Laughing, I told him that I expected to have at least a year to make those arrangements, to which he responded "Not so, we have a brand new two-bedroom unit available in Strathdale (another suburb of Bendigo) and you can move in before the end of the week!"

This all happened two days ago so, with the aid of my support team, I am now frantically packing stuff into boxes, garbage bags and cases, etc., to move to Unit 1, 19 Gittings Drive, on Thursday (May 22).

Could this be the beginning of a new life... or more of the same at a different address? Being the eternal optimist I am obviously hoping it's the former, but will it just be a bigger house for me to live in on my own... it has been suggested that I now look for a live-in carer who can assist in the administration of my dialysis needs, but I'm not so sure about this. The initial arrangement is that two or three of my existing team will be trained to do this and I'm happy to go along with that... but this is still a few weeks down the track.

More about this 'adventure' after I settle in. In the meantime I will be without the use of my computer for a few days until telephone, broadband and power arrangements have been made.

WATCH THIS SPACE and please... wish me well!

I pass yet another milestone

2008-05-10T18:15:00.000-07:00

On April 29, I passed another milestone in life. My age is still a delicate subject with me... depending who I am talking to at the time.

On one hand, I am pleased to have lived so long and still feel so vibrant in many ways (despite my health situation), but when/if I am discussing age with a member of the opposite sex (particularly one with the possible potential of becoming my next soulmate) I dread her reaction to finding out how ancient I am!

Why do women in general base their opinion of a guy on their age? Mentally, I'm on a par with the average 40 - 45 year old and, apart from arthritis affected areas (stiff in most joints), I am still in good shape physically (even my doctor says this), but tell a woman your age and you're immediately classified as being 'over the hill'! I don't want to be judged by my age!!!

My birthday was celebrated on Sunday, April 27 with a reunion of members of my old cabaret/dance band, the Impalas, together with members of my original social club, first formed in the early 60's. It was a good day, with over 100 friends and guests turning up to share a day of festivity with me and even I was still "revving" at 11 p.m. as the final guests left after singing and dancing the day away from 1.30 p.m. when the activity started.

Since then I have been kept busy sending out "thank yous" and photographs taken during the day to many of those who attended. I was intending this to be my final celebratory 'milestone', but - as in past years - several people have started to ask "when is the next one". If I DO have another one I intend to request "no birthday cards or cakes which indicate my age, please".

Easter 2008 and other things

2008-03-28T21:11:00.000-07:00

Easter time last year in my homtown of Bendigo (see my post on April 6, 2007) was very quiet, but at least I had a small role in it this year. I was part of the Phoenix FM promotion team at a stall in the main street, handing out flyers to the passing crowd during the early afternoon then, in the evening, I followed the Phoenix FM 'float' in the torchlight procession, again doing 'handouts' and playfully charging at children in my powered wheelchair which, thankfully for all concerned, has good brakes!

Since my last post, I had a brief bout of gastroenteritis which left me feeling both mentally and physically exhausted. I also had a temporary 'crash' on my computer, which left me feeling both frustrated and alone (incapable of sending/receiving emails for four days)... I don't know which was worse!! I have come to depend so much on my computer for contact with 'the outside world', that I'm left feeling completely lost when it breaks down for whatever reason. I have since recovered, thankfully, from both viruses and am feeling much better.

Thanks to a new-found friend on one of my regular visits to dating sites (her name is Barb), I have been encouraged to write the long-awaited final chapters of my autobiography, which I will include in a future post of this Blog. Incidentally, the 'fire in my belly' (see my last post) has burned itself out, due to lack of success in finding a suitable person to assist me... I am hoping the completion of my book may provide me with the impetus to try again.

The Return of Fire in My Belly!

2008-02-20T16:53:00.000-08:00

I'm revving again! This morning I awoke with the feeling of fire in my belly like I have not experienced for a long, long, time. This has come about through an idea that raced through my mind last night... to write, publish, produce, direct (all or some of...) a semi-autobiographical movie depicting the loneliness and frustrations of an Australian singer/songwriter in a wheelchair as he travels around the country on what he intends to make his final tour.

Now to find a suitable (or interested) scriptwriter who can advise me where to go - or take - my storyline for possible development. I will first approach my brother Geoff who is extremely talented at putting words together and who, hopefully, has a little more spare time at his disposal. If he can't help me, perhaps someone reading this can put forward a suggestion for me to follow.

Biggest problem now is to keep this fire raging long enough to follow it through to completion.

Still too much time to think

2008-02-17T00:26:00.000-08:00

I continue with my hectic schedule of dialysis treatments three times a week at approximately five to six hours per session (including connection and disconnection periods and waiting for ambulances for pick-ups and drop offs). In addition, I still spend an average of 6 - 8 hours a day at my computer responding to emails, searching dating sites and web-surfing in general. Any additional waking hours are spent in thought about what is happening in my life and what future lies ahead.

It is easy for me to become meloncholy and depressed when I think about my aloneness and the lack of a potential partner... and this continues to happen on a regular basis. My team of carers provide me with a few hours of light relief from these negative thoughts as they come in to assist with my daily routine. They are all good scouts, each with their own personality, and we all get along well with each other.

The dialysis treatments are a constant, but necessary, strain on my nervous system. One particular nurse (the leader of the unit) has the knack of inserting the dialysis needles into my right arm without any real pain or discomfort, but almost every other nurse has trouble with me... getting the needles in precisely the right spot without a lengthy and painful period of fiddling around, clotting of blood and 'hitting the wall' (or piercing) the fistula (tube) in my arm. No doubt you can understand how my fear reaches new heights each time I see that Anna (the leader) is not there.

My four hours of each treatment, lying on my back on a stretcher with needled right arm outstretched and immobile, are usually spent watching morning TV, eating dry biscuits and cheese, plus a lunch of sandwiches (a challenge in itself trying to use my almost lifeless left arm) and/or staring at the ceiling. I also have the benefit of a fish tank at the foot of my resting place where the same fish constantly chase their counterparts. This is fine for the fish, but a bit on the monotonous side for the observer after a few hours.

I am hoping, eventually, to have home dialysis administered by my carers, but this will take some time to set up (having my carers trained, etc.).

Going through all this constantly without a partner standing beside me (mentally, if not physically) then coming home to a quiet and empty unit is slowly taking its toll on me, hence the reason for my heading. Still, I continue to be hopeful for a positive change to take place.

Getting back to my old form!

2008-01-26T17:55:00.000-08:00

The two programmes I did on community radio (Phoenix FM 89.5) went well and we now await another four weeks of test transmissions later in the year before the decision will be made whether we - or another aspirant radio station - get the licence for that particular frequency.

Slowly but surely I am finding it more difficult to find enough hours in the day to do all the things I want to. Dialysis is now three times a week (a total of 14 hours), but at least it is now at the local hospital instead of in Melbourne, which added an additional 8 hours of travel time.

Apart from my regular 6 - 8 hours a day sitting at my computer I have now resumed playing darts one night each week, as well as trying to finish my life story for submission to a publisher. This has become a "must do" project, bearing in mind my close call with extinction last year... I have to get the book finished before I get my final call "up yonder" (or "down below").

I am also trying to find the time to write a few articles for one of the local newspapers... one in particular about the singles group (Bendigo Social Singles) I started five years ago. We are about to celebrate our fifth anniversary and need more men to assist in balancing the sexes. At present we are averaging six women to each man at our regular dinner meetings.

Yet, in those five years, I have not had one date with any of the ladies (sob!)... all because I think I have been spoilt in the past by my three wives (on second thoughts maybe they were spoilt by me)!

2008 Begins on a Positive Note

2008-01-11T23:53:00.000-08:00

Phoenix 89.5 FM is the name of a fledgling community radio station here in Bendigo which commenced test transmission for two weeks last Monday. I am to present two hours of country music and mayhem between 9 a.m. and 11 a.m. on Sunday morning (January 13) and at the same time the following Sunday (January 20), so I'm hoping someone will tune in. I’m not keen on talking to myself!

After many weeks of travel to/from Melbourne for dialysis treatment at the Austin Hospital, I started TODAY (January 11) at the Bendigo Hospital... and will continue each week on Mondays, Wednesdays and Fridays bet. 9 a.m and 1.30 p.m. My first day went well with getting to know the nursing staff (all very friendly and with a much less pressured atmosphere by comparison with the Austin) and the ambulance crew being on time. It is obviously an experience I will never enjoy, but at least it affords me more time at home to work on my many projects.

To be - or not to be?

2008-01-11T23:38:00.000-08:00

The End of Another Year 2007 was a year when I almost died (see previous post) and completed my sixth year of living alone... not what I would call a good year, but at least I survived to tackle another one.

I had a good try (or so I thought) at finding someone to make my life less unsociable, but continued to draw a blank at each attempt. Guess I'm too 'choosy' when it comes to being attracted to a member of the opposite sex. Most woman over 50 come across as being 'too old' for me, yet those under 50 (once they know my age) look at me as being an old, old, man... regardless of the fact that I feel, think and act like a 45 year old! I have tried to convince myself - and them - that age is just a number. Catch 22!!!

The only time my heart 'fluttered' for anyone in recent times was for one of my carers, who is almost half my age, but reminds me very much of my last wife... who was 25 years younger than me. My carer and I still get along really well, but when it comes to mutual attraction she is one of the many who believes I am a good friend, but still far too old to be considered as a partner.

May 2008 be a year of peace and happiness for us all!

Time to Stop and Smell the Roses

2007-11-23T01:56:00.000-08:00

Hello dear friends...

Since my last post, almost four months ago, the following has transpired...

July 14. Arrived home from holiday in Honolulu, Hawaii with my carer, Roberta. I was not well, due to chest infection... confirmed in Bendigo Hospital a few days later (while I was 'away with the fairies') as legionnaires disease.

August 6. Transferred to Austin Hospital, Heidelberg, where I underwent an operation to repair a bleeding duodenum (stomach ulcer) - opened up twice and given a 50% chance of survival (relatives summoned to my bedside) - but I wasn't ready to go - still got too much unfinished business to do on this planet! The skills of the doctors and nursing staff at the Austin obviously saved my life and I will forever be thankful to them. The morphine that went through my system, however, gave me the most horrible nightmares... which I still can't put out of my mind.
Due to kidney failure, I also had a 'fistula' fitted to my right arm in preparation for dialysis treatment, which commenced almost immediately.

Sept. 18. Transferred to Rehabilitation Hospital, Heidelberg, after several weeks of recuperation, needles, tablets, tests and dialysis treatments (which are to continue twice weekly for the rest of my life).

Nov. 1. Back home at last. Initially, because Bendigo Hospital has no spare dialysis machines I have to travel by ambulance back to the Austin in Melbourne each Monday and Friday for treatment... leaving at 7 a.m. and returning home about 5 p.m. A loooong day, but I have no alternative until Bendigo has more machines available (hopefully by mid December).

To those of you who sent me cards, phoned and/or visited me while I was in hospital, thank you from the bottom of my heart... your good wishes and prayers really kept me going and now that I'm back home I will do all in my power to keep in touch.

The photos taken on our trip to Hawaii will have to wait a little while until I get a bit more energy back in my system (and learn how to post them on to this site), so please bear with me in that area... I'm getting there, but not quite yet.

All I can ask at the moment is PLEASE KEEP IN TOUCH... I need all my friends right now.

Warm wishes, love and good thoughts from Colin.

Where's the Light?

2007-06-10T03:06:00.000-07:00

Yet another little setback when a 'hacker' got into my online banking system and helped themselves to all but $9.00 in my savings account! By most people's standards I didn't have a lot of money in there, but $2750.00 is still a lot to me (especially with my holiday in Honolulu coming up on June 29). Fortunately I alerted my bank quickly enough for them to act on my behalf and the money should be restored within a few days.

I am still feeling pretty ordinary about life, but the next few weeks leading up to my trip will be quite busy, so (hopefully) that should keep my mind occupied on other things. I attended my first church service for some time last week and will go again next Sunday... the pentecostal service and sermon at the Assembly of God Church were quite uplifting and there is no doubt I felt better afterwards - for a while at least.

My dear brother Geoff spent the best part of two days with me last week restoring and upgrading Windows XP on my computer. I'm really blessed to have a brother like Geoff... we don't often talk 'heart to heart' on our personal problems, but we are both aware that, when a helping hand is needed, we will always be there for each other.

Vale Tess

2007-05-20T04:05:00.000-07:00

They say things come in threes and so it goes with me. My darling 17 year old cocker spaniel Tess, left in the care of my ex-wife when we split up five years ago, had to be put to sleep yesterday. Memories keep flooding back of the times the three of us shared travelling around parts of Australia, the photo we took of her with Ayres Rock in the background and that wonderful morning when my wife got me out of bed to watch Tess give birth to six beautiful puppies (Tess outlived "Ollie", the pup we kept from the litter).

Farewell Tessy... I'll always remember you and the happy times we shared.

De Blues Are Knockin' at My Door!

2007-05-18T03:04:00.000-07:00

Not a good week! Got my divorce papers in the mail and an email from my best friend telling me she doesn't want me to contact her any more (she is going through severe depression and wants to cut her ties with everyone - including me), so I'm left feeling more alone than ever!! I'm NOT looking for sympathy - or pity - because there are many much worse off than I'll ever be, but it does leave me feeling very isolated.

I'm now trying to sort out whether I should leave this area and try to start out afresh somewhere entirely different - which will not be easy at my time of life. At least I've got my Blog to talk to... and my somewhat dented sense of humour.

Just going to try to keep myself busier than normal... maybe write me a coupla real bluuuuuues songs! If you want to talk to me, please do... I need a little company right now.

ANOTHER MILESTONE PASSES

2007-05-05T17:48:00.000-07:00

I passed another milestone on April 29 and celebrated with the reunion of my old band, "Insight", which was very popular in the local area back in the early 70's. We drew a crowd of about 60 on the Sunday afternoon at the Bendigo RSL Club, including several old friends who came along to wish me a Happy Birthday and re-live some of the songs of that era. The group included my long-time singing partner Olive Bice, my brother Geoff and cousin Peter Newson.

On the day, I wore two shirts specially made for me by a local lady who makes and repairs clothes for a living... she did quite a good job, so I will give her plenty of work in the future as I update my wardrobe of tired old shirts and coats, etc.

2007-04-20T18:41:00.001-07:00

I recently discovered this new dating site called Singles Net and thought I may as well give it a try (not having any luck with the others). Within four days I had received approaches/enquiries from more than 20 ladies!!! That might sound good, BUT they came from places like Germany, Ghana, India, the Netherlands, USA, etc.

I do not feel inclined to pay everyones air fares out to Australia (as most of them seemed to want!) just for a handshake and "so long, sucker" which, I have been told, has happened to many others.

Amongst those enquiries, however, came a few from Australia which I will follow up - ever hopeful - so please keep your fingers crossed and say a prayer for me.

Easter Time in Bendigo

2007-04-06T02:27:00.000-07:00

... used to be a fun time for me and my mates back in the 'good old days'. The place used to come alive with the annual Easter fair, popular girl competition, processions (including the famous Chinese dragon and decorated 'floats', marching bands, etc.), street stalls and all those things, but now...? Well, it still goes on, but I guess the fact that I have... er, 'matured' and have no one to share it with has kind of made it a 'non-event' these days. Maybe this time next year I'll see it differently - here's hoping!

The Waiting Game

2007-03-23T00:59:00.000-07:00

Life mooches along at (for me) a snails pace, with little happening apart from the wait... waiting for my Star Trader stuff to arrive and get me started on making my first million $ (I wish).

I met a nice lady online at a disability dating site today... she sounds like fun - but she lives in the USA! Surely there's SOMEONE in Australia who is prepared to accept me as a companion? I'd like to believe all Aussie women are not that hard to please!

2007-03-18T02:16:00.001-07:00

Saturday, March 17, 2007.
I have just made the decision (a big one for me) of taking most of my money out of an investment account (which brought in a little over 5% interest per year) and sinking it into Star Trader (www.mcit.com.au)... which advises its members of the best stocks to buy/sell on the Australian Stock Exchange. Only time will tell if I'm being foolish or not - oh well, I like living life a little on the dangerous side.

Meanwhile, one of my carers has agreed to being my travel companion on a trip to Honolulu between June 29 and July 13. We will be travelling by JetStar and have left our accommodation and sightseeing arrangements in the hands of a Hawaiian disability travel agent.

This will be my fifth visit to Honolulu, having gone there on three occasions - as a honeymoon! It's such a beautiful spot and obviously holds many happy memories for me.